I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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