you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
