At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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