What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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