It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
