i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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