Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I think my moral compass just broke
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