I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
