Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
This is the prime rib incident all over again
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just found a bag of teeth...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
your like the ambassador to my penis.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
