I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
