I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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