My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
