Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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