i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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