we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize