white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
