He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
