How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
