I never want to see another naked old woman again.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Bring me that man meat
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
