you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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