Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
