just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
