The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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