Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
