her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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