escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
