im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he puts the penis in happiness.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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