I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
