I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Randomize
