Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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