he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
