Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
