Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
