He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
