just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
