Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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