the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
