made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
