I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
