you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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