..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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