I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
