During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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