Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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