good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
