i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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