i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
