I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
