I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
