he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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