I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
