you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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