how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
