im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
