Whoa Z and x make the same sound
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
