Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
