I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
