When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
