My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
