So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
