I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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