If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
