Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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