Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
