My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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