Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
